Planning a hens is joyful—but it can be political. You’re curating the energy of a once-only celebration, so every seat at the table matters. This guide helps you decide who truly deserves an invite, then gives you word-for-word messages to invite (or not) with kindness. It’s written for Australia—so we’ll use hens party phrasing and AU-friendly timelines.
TL;DR Friendship Audit
Ask yourself—honestly and quickly:
- Do they actively support your relationship lately?
- Have they been emotionally present this year?
- Will their energy elevate or complicate your celebration?
- Are you inviting from joy—or guilt?
Action: If someone fails two or more, they’re tier-2 or out. If you hesitate on every question, they don’t make the core list.
Why Guest Selection Matters
A hens isn’t just a night out; it’s a ritual marking your next chapter. The people you invite shape the mood, the memories—and the drama potential.
- Inner-circle mindset: Choose guests who belong in your future, not just your past.
- Regret patterns: “I invited my cousin out of obligation… she complained the whole night.” — Real bride
“I added a workmate last minute; she got messy and hijacked the plans.” — Maid of honour
Pro move: Share this guide with your maid of honour and align on the criteria before you announce dates.
The 5 Red-Flag Guest Types You Might Regret Inviting
1) The Party-Pooper
Lovely at brunch, low-vibe at midnight. Chronic complaints, early Ubers, morale dips.
Check: If they usually “duck out” or criticise plans, they’re an activity-only at best.
2) The Competitive Cousin
Turns toasts into one-up stories. If they can’t celebrate you without centring themselves, press pause.
Check: Have they hijacked previous gatherings?
3) The Flaky Friend
“All in!”—until deposits are due. Plan around reliability, not vibes.
Check: Three strike rule: RSVP late, pay late, ghost—out.
4) The Ex-BFF
History can be heavy. If it’s complicated now, protect your peace.
Check: Would their presence make you edit yourself? If yes, no.
5) The Obligatory Workmate
Great at 11am meetings—unknown at 11pm. Obligation isn’t a reason.
Check: Have you socialised 1:1 outside work in the last 6 months?
Not sure? Run each name through the Friendship Audit and decide in 2 minutes.
Who Makes the Cut (Worksheet + Tiers)
Create a simple tier model so you can invite with clarity and kindness:
- Tier 1 — Core Crew: Non-negotiables; invited to the whole event.
- Tier 2 — Add-Ons: Dinner-only or activity-only; they suit parts of the vibe, not all.
- Tier 3 — Not Invited: You care about them—just not for this night. Offer another way to celebrate.
Example tiers
- Tier 1: Bridesmaids; best friends; sister(s); ride-or-die cousins.
- Tier 2: Work bestie; partner’s cousin you like but barely know; friend of a friend who’s great at dinner but not clubbing.
- Tier 3: People you haven’t seen in years; anyone who makes you anxious.
Budget & deposits: Decide deposit amounts and RSVP deadlines before invites go out; communicate once, clearly, and stick to it.
Download: Tiered Guest List Sheet (Google Doc).
Timing & Channel: How and When to Invite
AU-friendly timeline
- 10–12 weeks out (if travel/accom): Float date options to Tier 1 only.
- 8 weeks out (domestic): Send save-the-date to Tier 1; soft-check availability for Tier 2.
- 6 weeks out: Lock venue(s); send official invites + deposit details to Tier 1.
- 4 weeks out: Confirm numbers; invite selected Tier 2 to dinner-only/activity-only if space allows.
- 1 week out: Final reminder with run-sheet (meet point, timings, dress code).
Channel cheat-sheet
| Situation | Best Channel | Why it works |
| Core friend | WhatsApp/SMS | Feels personal; fast responses |
| Group plan updates | WhatsApp group | Keeps everyone aligned |
| Details & itinerary | Email/Google Doc | Easy to find later |
| Formal/printed vibe | Printed invite | Keepsake; sets “classy” tone |
Word-for-Word Scripts (Copy + Paste)
Use these as-is or tweak the tone to match your crew.
Inviting a close friend (WhatsApp)
Wouldn’t feel right without you there. We’re planning a low-key dinner then a fun activity on [date]. Can you lock it in? Deposit $[amount] due [date]—I’ll send details.
Inviting an add-on (dinner-only/activity-only)
Keeping the hens intimate, but I’d love you at [dinner/activity] on [date]. It’s $[amount]; RSVP by [date] if you’re in!
No plus-ones (warm and clear)
To keep it simple (and costs fair), we’re keeping it to the core crew—no plus-ones this time. Hope that’s cool!
Gently excluding (kind but firm)
We’re keeping the hens really small and personal this time. I’d love to celebrate just us over brunch next week if you’re free.
Deposit chase (friendly nudge)
Quick one! Venue needs numbers by [date]. If you’re in, deposit is $[amount] by [date]. Can’t wait!
Partner’s sister / future in-law
I’d love you to be part of it. We’re keeping it small, but there’s a spot for you at [dinner/activity] on [date] if you’re keen. I’ll share the plan + deposit details today.
Workmate you like, but not Tier 1
I’m keeping the hens tiny, but if you’re up for [dinner/activity] on [date], I’d love to have you there. Totally no stress if not!
Handling Tricky Social Dynamics (Without Drama)
Divided friend groups
Seat/segment by natural sub-groups and plan a unifying ice-breaker (short toast, silly quiz about the bride, signature mocktail/cocktail).
One friend can’t afford it
Offer a no-cost role (e.g., helping choose a playlist) and invite them to the free parts (glow-up at the hotel, photos, pre-drinks).
Different energy levels
Design a tiered itinerary: chic dinner → optional karaoke → optional dance bar. Nobody feels trapped; everyone gets their version of “fun”.
Someone asks why they weren’t invited
Keep it short and kind: “We kept it very small this time, but I’d love to celebrate 1:1 soon.”
The Etiquette Made Easy: Boundaries You Can Borrow
- Plus-ones: No by default unless long-term partners are already friends with the group.
- Deposits: Money = commitment. If someone misses the deadline, their spot may go to Tier 2.
- Dress code: Give a vibe (“elevated fun / cocktail-ish / comfy chic”) and any no-go colours if you have them.
- Gifts: Optional. If you truly don’t want any, say it plainly in the invite.
- Photos: Nominate a friend to be “content captain” so the chat isn’t flooded during dinner.
Sample Itineraries You Can Steal
Classy & Low-Key (Sydney/Melbourne CBD)
- Golden-hour photos → Cocktail class (private room) → Shared plates dinner → Dessert bar
- Optional: 30-min “love story quiz” between courses
Activity-First (Gold Coast/Bris)
- Late brunch → Boat or picnic with playlist → Quick freshen-up → Karaoke booth → Dance bar
Budget-Bright (Anywhere)
- Park picnic with bring-a-plate → DIY photobooth → Bar with set drinks package (2 hrs) → Optional dance stop
Tip: Keep travel hops short. One venue change is energising; three is exhausting.
Common Pitfalls (and Easy Fixes)
- Too many cooks: One lead (maid of honour), one treasurer, one content captain. Everyone else relaxes.
- Vague invites: Dates, times, dress code, cost, deposit, meet point—make them explicit.
- Late pivots: After deposits, the plan is locked. Micro-tweaks only.
- Forgetting the bride: Build in two calm moments: a toast and a “best memory” round.
How the Night Flows (Steal This Run-of-Show)
- Lock vibe, budget, headcount rules.
- Build your Tiered Guest List (Core / Add-Ons / Not Invited).
- Send save-the-date + start the WhatsApp group.
- Share itinerary + deposit instructions.
- Confirm numbers; finalise bookings.
- Send day-before reminder with timings, dress code, meet point.
learn more about different themes.
Hen party invites: quick copy-paste templates
Fast guest list
Core crew · Add-ons · Not this time
2-minute check
Talk monthly?
Hung out in 3 months?
Calms the bride?
Happy to sit together an hour?
3+ yes = invite · 1–2 = add-on · 0 = skip
WhatsApp (casual)
Hey [Name]! [Bride]’s hens on [Date], [Time], [Location] — [vibe]. You in?
Details drop
When: [Date/Time] · Where: [Venue] · Dress: [Style] · ~$[amount] pp · RSVP [date]
Email (short)
Subject: You’re invited to [Bride]’s hens
[Date, Time, Venue] · Plan: [brief] · Cost: ~$[amount] · RSVP [date]
Mini itinerary (paste)
2:00 pm Meet [Spot]
2:30–4:30 Cruise & games
7:00 Dinner [Venue]
Conclusion
Your hens should reflect your future, not your past. Run the Friendship Audit, send invites with heart, and curate a guest list that lifts you up—then go make a memory you’ll love. If it’s not a “yes with excitement,” it’s a gentle no—and that’s how you protect the vibe for a truly drama-free night. Ready to book your event? Check dates & packages and we’ll lock in your perfect night.
